Wednesday, April 15, 2026

The Sunshine Shoals Gazette

"All the News That's Fit to Regret"

Midnight Pickup Goes Sideways: Gator Gary Discovers Cargo Is Live Chickens

Gator Gary McClintock's scheme to steal rare orchids from the Everglades Botanical Preserve went sideways when his airboat accidentally disturbed a nest of water moccasins, causing a writhing snake explosion that sent him screaming across three different ecosystems. Wildlife rangers later found him wearing nothing but a single soggy sock and babbling about "serpent vengeance.